Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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