My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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