What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
