During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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