I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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