So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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