we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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