He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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