we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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