rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
