I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
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And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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