You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
