i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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