You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
