I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize