I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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