Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
