I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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