we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize