Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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