Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
