1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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