Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
