That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Operation Purity has been aborted
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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