I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
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You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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