my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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