And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
