You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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