i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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