Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
