I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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