I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.