I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess