I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.