Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.