Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
3 2 1 whiskey
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.