Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.