She is in my trunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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