I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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