You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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