The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize