Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
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I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.