I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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