my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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