I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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