she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"