I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite