I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
