I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found puke in my bra..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...