I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that