You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
In America we eat man semen.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.