Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.