i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon