we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high