I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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