I cannot find my penis.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
