i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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