I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize