Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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