so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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