my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize